I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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