WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
