I wish I could teleport
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
