Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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