You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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