he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
