College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My cat gives me a boner
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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