it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
