you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
