Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
