suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
