based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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