I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
