Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
