she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
