Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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