I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
