Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
