I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
