So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
