i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my being single is dangerous.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
