Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
