fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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