dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
