If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
