the day after is always just damage control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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