I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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