oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
