We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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