i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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