If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
