if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
