Nicole vs. Life
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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