Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
