I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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