Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
