His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
