She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
