and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
