Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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