Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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