The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
