im drinking this country out of the recession.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
