She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
