She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
