Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
