Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
