The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
