Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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