Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
