it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
