If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
